Creative Chaos

The plan started with brillant intentions......

First though, I want to show you the picture of of some of the wonderful nurses and staff that have made this journey so much easier.  Here is a picture from yesterday of the clinical staff.....

 

They are the best!  Joan was on vacation so I'm bummed she wasn't in the picture. My nurse Nancy is directly behind me.  She has been a tremendous support listening to all my little and big complaints about side effects and we always manage to laugh about any situation.  Christine is right next to her on the left and is a faithful reader of my blog and one of the sweetest people. Juan on the left has a wife that is really into scrapbooking and even has a product in Michael's.  I LOVE the way he knew the names of scrapbook products!

Here is Normita and Angela two of my regular nurses.  They are so wonderfully comforting and two of the best IV pokers around.  No matter how uncooperative my veins were getting, they alway seemed to get the job done with the least amount of pain. Normita always has everyone laughing and would give me that extra bit of sleep after my treatment was over.  Angela has this calming demeanor about her that always made the time spent in the chair stress free and comfortable. 

When Cosme came to pick me up we gave hugs all around and we were reminicing how the last five months were long yet fast at the same time. We were talking and everyone was so happy for me that it was my last day of chemo.  Cosme was packing up all my stuff when Normita asked when I would be back to visit.  I said "next Wednesday.  I still have avastin for 6 more months."  It was too funny. I was acting like I was leaving the country with all the hype of my "last day", but yet I was going to be back in a week....

So back to the brillant plan...... I was determined that I was not going to be up all night tonight.  Short of a horse tranquillizer and a hammer to the head, I have been unable to get to sleep on the night of chemo because of the decadron.  But tonight was going to be different.  My sister and niece are coming in this afternoon and I didn't want to sleep through their arrival and mess up the next few days.   So I had a plan that was foolproof and  going to get me in bed and asleep by 10:00 pm tonight......

Outline of ingenious and brilliant plan for sleep:

1.  No nap during chemo today.  This was hard. I'm like Pavlov's dog....... as soon as I sit down in that chair I'm already exhausted. After I have my premeds, pillow and snuggly blanket wrapped around me, I'm a goner.  But this time I forced myself to watch Martha Stewart and simultaneously listen to the conversation next to me in the neighboring chair.  I drifted a few times, but managed to stay awake as much as possible.......

2. No caffeine, sugar, or any other thing that was going to keep me awake.  Ok, this was really hard and I cheated with a bit of coffee at 2:00 but managed to convince myself it was still early enough to counter the effects with step #3.....

3. Call Nancy for prescription of heavy duty sleeping pills to knock me out for tonight.  She informs me I have refill. I jump for joy. Promptly call pharmacy to order and then drag whole family down to hospital to get them.....

3. Head out to Mission beach with the boys, my mom and my aunt for a walk on the boardwalk and some fresh air......

 

Boys scooted.  We walked......

 

Headed back to park for some "crazy car" rides.....

 

Mellow boat ride......

and scary lonely rollorcoaster ride....

 

 

He loved it though.

Afterwards, we went to Embers for a great dinner and then headed home.  

Andres was asleep before we even left the restauraunt.  Carlos was asleep  20 minutes after we arrived home. Cosme turned in shortly before 9:30 and I was just starting to get sleepy after taking my two sleeping pills.  Ah HA...my plan was working like a charm.  I would turn into bed and be fast asleep in mere moments.....Hmmmmm maybe I'll get up so early I can even cook breakfast for everyone.

Until, of course, I walked into the kitchen and saw my birthday present still sitting on the counter untouched since I opened it last week. My new Nano Ipod.  It couldn't hurt to download some songs now would it........

 

No it wouldn't hurt........ Unless of course you're me. Where downloading songs turns into...... exploring all the new features which then turns into...... heading to the Itunes store and purchasing just a "few" new songs......which of course leads to trying to find that one song that you loved from 1987 where of course you have neither the title nor the artist name.....just a vague tune that runs through your head.......which then turns into a 3 1/2 hour project that includes looking at all the books that could be downloaded....who knew! 

It's now 2:51am.  My plan completely disingrated before my eyes and compulsive need to now reorganize all my songs in my iTunes library.......

Plans are so overrated......

The crazy chemo train is coming to a stop tomorrow.......

and I'm getting off at the station.  Tomorrow is my last day of chemo! 

  

Although I still have six weeks of radiation and six more months of avastin, I'm done with the fatigue inducing Taxol.  The above picture was taken in Coronado on Monday.  My Aunt Kathy is in town; we, along with my mom and other aunt, headed down to the beach for a couple hours of enjoying the sun. 

For some, the fun was in climbing the rocks.....

 

For others, it meant almost certain bodily injury....... 

 

The strong continued on......while others headed back to the wall to chit chat.....

 

 

Sandcastles were made with two plastic drinking cups that were snagged on the way out the door......

 

Despite archaic sand toys, children still jumped for joy.......

 

It was a good day.  It gave me a glimpse of the summer to come.  I'm looking forward to jumping on that train........

I'm so angry right now I can't even speak........

So that's why I'm typing.........thieves broke into our garage last night and stole all of Cosme tools and equipment, including a brand new chopsaw.  He discovered it as he went to leave this morning for work. I discovered it after I got up at 12:00 this afternoon. It's at least $5,000 worth of stuff.  Even though I don't believe in the death penalty, I'm seriously reconsidering my position on it as we speak. While he remains in a mostly zen state of mind replacing all the deadbolts and adding extra security to the garage, I've been planning a sting operation for when they come back to get the rest of the stuff.  I'm going to leave a trail of screw drivers and wrenches from the alley to the garage and then capture them with a big net as they jump the gate.   I would then apply my torture techniques by forcing them to watch hours of "Max & Ruby" until they gave us the whereabouts of all his tools.  They would be begging for mercy after the opening song of that stupid cartoon.  However, even after they gave up the goods, I would still make them watch the episode where Max refuses to eat his breakfast over and over until they lost their minds.  

Uggg.....I hate thieves.

I've seen my future.....and it's not pretty.......

 

I was cracking up yesterday at chemo.  Seems they had a bit of a back up in the morning when I got there and the chairs were all full.  My nurse Nicole came out and said the gurneys were available but the chairs wouldn't be until at least a half an hour.  I hesitated because the gurneys were really for the folks who were weaker and other health issues. Plus, they were kind of set off to the side, away from all the chairs. I feel like more of the crowd and not as "sick" when I'm in the hustle and bustle of the main area.  But I didn't want to wait any more so I said ok.  I was then reminded of when my best friend Annette came with me a month ago and all they had left was a gurney.  It was sooo busy that day and the wait could have been another hour.  We went in and took one look at the poor lady next to us who was hooked up to oxygen and could barely lift her head up.  Our eyes locked briefly, yet long enough to see a bit of horror in them when faced with the potential of two cackling hens sitting beside her for the next 3 hours.  We told Nicole we would wait and give the poor woman some peace in her life.  We then continued our cackling in the waiting room.

Well, yesterday, I settled myself in the comfy gurney and though why have I waited this long to hunker down in one of these luxurious beds?   Like one of Pavlov's dogs the entire setting of the chemo room starts my eyes drooping and my body relaxing for a nice long nap.   And, all of this is before they give me the benadryl.   While waiting for my meds to come up from the pharmacy I joked around with my nurses and the clinical staff, and, even got to hang out with the hospital dog.  In the meantime, another older woman and her friend joined me in the gurney section and settled into their space. 

After everyone left, Nicole got me hooked up to my IV and I was ready for my nap. As I was reading my magazine and my lids were getting heavy I kept hearing the continuous chatter from the other side.  All of a sudden it hit me like a ton of IV stands.....my future, 30 years from now, was sitting right next to me.....But instead of non stop chatter about the Real Housewives Franchises, why children never hear you except when candy is involved, and where to find cute flip flops....... it was 2 hours worth of various physical ailments (oh, wait, I do that now), how the senior condo association won't allow fake grass on the patios, and 20 minutes worth of how people mispronounce her name going all the way back to when she was in elementary school and the nuns would never say it correctly.  Oh boy.....like an episode of Lost. I saw a flash forward of Annette, Gail and me at our retirement home playing bridge arguing over the cute man down the hall named Norm, and how there are no appropriate flip flops for the older set while getting nasty looks from all the other residents who have since taken a up petition to evict us from Sunnyside Villas. 

I've seen the future.....however, it still hasn't deterred me from talking so much. ahhh, I'll worry about it later.

In other news on the chaos front, I've made productive use of my last couple good days here.  Andres helped Carlos fill his birthday goodie bags for his classmates on Friday.

 

However, he wasn't exactly clear on the "put one thing" in each bag directive.  Instead he put "everything" in one bag.  We assigned him another less complicated job. Eating candy. He accepted the position.

 

Here are the bags ready to go.  You have no idea how hard it was to restrain myself from over embellishing these things with glitter and handmade name tags and flashing lights....But I did.....barely. 

 

We also celebrated Cosme's birthday on Tuesday.  It was very low key. The boys were so excited to give him his present that has been hidden under our bed for the last 4 days. Finally, almost exploding from excitement, they were able to show him what they got him. They actually did explode with excitement when he opened it.

Now, for my part, I really wanted to make his favorite cake......Chocolate Coconut with Chocolate Buttercream frosting. I then decided cupcakes would be easier than a whole cake. See, I'm being really good about knowing my limits.  What I wasn't prepared for, however, was the frosting disaster that awaited me. I decided to make an improve version of my usual buttercream recipe.  I thought I would make it a bit fluffier by adding whipped cream. Wondering, of course, why the Food Networked hasn't pick up my mad cooking skills. 

Here's my first batch...

 

Yes, it looks normal, but it tasted like crap because I put to much salt in it. And no amount of powdered sugar was going to fix it.  Plus it was grainy and a bit lumpy.....hmmmm, I should have paid closer attention to that.

Here's my next batch.....

 

Although not as salty, it didn't exactly scream fluffy buttercream.  It a cross somewhere between ricotta cheese and whipped cream butter.  It actually taste good. However, not very spreadable for the cupcake.  Lesson #46 on making frosting: Don't whip butter and whipping cream together. It's not pretty. 

So after wasting a 1/2 pound of butter, an entire box of powdered sugar and 16 ounces of whipping cream, this is what he got.....

 

Two candles stuck in two unfrosted cupcakes. And no coconut because I forgot to put it into the batter.

 

Here's the good sport with his boys.

I'm off to have a massage and then go to Costco for Carlos' little birthday pool party this weekend.  Poor kid doesn't get to invite any of his friends from school.  We're just inviting close friends and family.  There still will be a bunch of kids, but the adults are all people that I don't have to "entertain."  If I need to close my eyes or go lie down, they can just talk amongst themselves without me.  I told him next year he can invite as many of his friends as he wants.

Talk to you soon!  Karin

One Step Forward.....Two Naps Back......

That's what it's been like lately. The above picture illustrates it perfectly. Except I don't sleep with a choo choo pillow and my hair isn't that luxurious.  I think in my last post I was feeling a bit more energy again.  I got some things done the weekend after I posted... Spent some nice time with the family....Even went out for sushi with the girls.....and, then thought, ok, maybe I'm regaining my strength.  That was my first mistake.  Thinking.  My second mistake was that I overdid it again last week.  It was completely unintentional.  But nonetheless, it did me in.

So here's the breakdown of last week......

Monday: Finished "Birthday Cake" for Paper Tales. Spent more time looking for small box that goes on top than working on it.  Blame it on children who wander around in the house. Children have no idea what I'm talking about despite "Law & Order" interrogation techniques.  Later find out husband put small box in large bottom box.  Still suspect children were involved.

Tuesday:  After getting blood work done, head over to Nordstroms with Mom to get fitted for new bras with prosthesis....woo hoo!  My days of crooked breasts are numbered.  Have lunch at Cheesecake Factory. Eat enough for three people.

Wednesday:  Lolligag my way through the morning before having to leave for chemo.  Husband is out the door with keys and my bags tapping his watch while I'm still perusing blogs. He delivers empty threat of not getting me my bagels and orange juice.  I read one more email and then stroll out the door, only to run back in three times due to forgetting sunglasses, banana and kiss from Andres. 

After chemo, try to regain second wind for Carlos' open house at school. At 5:00 pm, I throw the wig on my head as I imagine Carlos, Cosme and I skipping through his classes, laughing and talking while marveling over all his fabulous work.  The reality was I got sidelined by parents I haven't seen in a long time while Carlos and Cosme wandered ahead of me. By the time I caught up with them in Carlos' German class, I was cornered by his teacher who was telling me that he gets distracted while in class and talks to his friends while on the floor mat....sigh...story of my life.  Later that night, find note in backpack from PE teacher that he isn't running enough during PE.  Sigh again...... Do I really need this right now?    Sent Carlos out to run around block ten times while muzzled.

 

Remember at 3:00 am that I had a cup of coffee before heading to open house.  Goes a long way in explaining why, after hours of tossing and turning and two sleeping pills, I'm up watching "Mystery Diagnosis" on Discovery Health. The combo of decadron and coffee would serve me well at an all-night rave.  

Thursday:  After being up all night, I lie down at 9:00 am.  Get back up at 1:30 pm and head over to Paper Tales to deliver the "One Year Anniversary Cake" for their weekend celebration. Spent two fun filled hours there with Diane and Michelle.  Start to feel energy fizzle while sitting on the couch.  If they would have thrown me a blanket and a pillow, I would have stayed there the entire weekend.  After arriving home, went straight to the couch where day turned into night. At 9:00 pm, got up to eat and watch The Office with Cosme. Went back to bed at 10:00 pm where I slept until.......

Friday:  1:45 pm wake up with 45 minutes to get ready for Physical Therapy appointment.  Hoping trip out in the world will get me going.  Found out during appointment, the two hours I spent getting fitted for and finding the right bra was all in vain as I am unable to wear underwire.  Triple sigh.... The world will have to look at my crooked breasts for a little longer. Arrive home thinking I never got that second wind, and then realize I never had first wind to begin with. Plop myself on couch where I stay until bedtime.

Saturday:  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.........

Sunday: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.......... Missed Paper Tales weekend long celebration.  Sniff sniff......

Today and tomorrow I'm spending time getting ready for Cosme and Carlos' Birthday.  Cosme's falls on Cinco de Mayo.  So I leave you with this......

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