I'm going to rerun a post I did last year about American Idol's results night. After watching AI last night, my sister emailed me and wanted me to post it to Facebook so she could read it again. I forgot how much I loved that post so I'm going to rerun it here again just in time for the results week. But I'll intermix it with some work in progress Bloomer peat pots to keep it fresh.....
So, I'm watching my dvr'd American Idol. I can literally watch the 2 hour singing competition in 15 minutes........ Group song? Don't want to hear it - Fast Forward..... .... Why you chose the song? Could.not.care.less - FF .......... Supposedly hilarious banter between Ryan and the judges?........Not funny - FF First part of song? You know what; I just don't have the time - FF ..........Any of the judges responses with the exception of Simon? Useless - FF ...... Simon's reaction? Listen to first sentence and then FF.
So there you have it. I manage to watch a two hour show in 15 minutes. And still get all the pertinent information I need.
I do the same exact thing with the result show except it's an even faster viewing. I cut a one hour show down to one minute. Although, I do have to say the result show cracks me up to no end. Ryan has been doing the same "musical chairs" sit on the edge of your seat, nail biting, song and dance routine since the show started:
Ryan takes a deep breath and solemnly states......."Joe.... please stand up. Brittany.... please stand up also. Both of you join me on the stage. Tristan....please sit on the seat next to you and raise your hand. Suzy..... please sit on Tristan's recently vacated seat and hold your breath. Michael, Angel and Ernie....please join me next to Joe and Brittany and then take ten paces back and stand on your head. The rest of you shuffle about and then take a seat again. Skylar and Fredrick please squeeze in between Randy & Cara and Paula & Simon respectively. Tristan lower your hand and come stand next to me. Ashleigh....please go back stage, get me something to drink and then go back to your original seat....... "
Then once Ryan is satisfied with all the placements on stage and is ready to announce who may be going home, he then adds a shocking and surprising "right after these 84 messages from our sponsors" cliff hanger.
You never see it coming.
Much moaning, groaning, crying and hyperventilating rises from the audience. But their efforts are all in vain. They must wait another excruciating 10 minutes to find out who's packing their bags and hoping to get their old job back at home.
Ryan is back and he some answers. But not before he weeds out three of the potential losers that were in the bottom three and sends the other "lucky for just one more week" contestants back to the "safe" seats.
"Anyone who is upside down or has a fatigued hand quivering over their head, please come stand by me....you are all in the bottom three this week. The rest of you can scamper over to you chairs," says Ryan, who is still contemplating making the safe group do cartwheels back to their seats, but decides against it at the last moment.
"I have the results in my hand. Two of you will be moving on to possible fame and fortune and the promise of an exciting life thereafter AND one of you will be getting on a long, lonely plane ride back to your home where you will no longer hear the cheers & cries of adoring fans, see people waving poster boards with wedding proposals, and have to watch the show from your pathetic living room," states Ryan, disclosing absolutely no emotion as to how the threeway is going to play out.
"All of this will unfold...........AFTER the break." NOOOOOOOOO. Not Again!!!! I never saw it coming.
Once back live, contestants must listen to Simon tell them that they should all take their non-talented butts home and save him some time, Randy saying "Dog" twenty times in between "it's all good" twenty-five times and Paula just blathering on how they are beautiful, life is good and she would be willing to adopt them all if it weren't against network policy.
"Ok...the moment of truth.' Ryan states as if this were an execution. "Michael, Angel and Ernie. One of you will be going home tonight. Ernie please step up. You will........maybe.....not....go home......unless I say go home......but.....I might just say take a seat.....or, I might just say.....go home. Or, I may even have you stand on your head again. Hmmmmm..........WHAT did America decide.....
"But first let’s review Michael....maybe yes....maybe no.....maybe you will sit down... maybe you won't.....do you have your bags packed yet? Maybe you won't need them packed...just yet..."
"But before all that nonsense, let’s just tell Angel she's safe! I mean not safe! I mean could possibly be safe...awww just kidding! You’re safe. Not. Ha ha! gotcha! Get on over to the safe seat. No, really, go! No. Really, your safe.....GO"
Michael and Ernie both stand on the stage contemplating their future without bright lights and celebrity filled days while Ryan makes them go through another commercial break. More teasing about who's going and who's staying; even more irrelevant comments from the judges; all while the two remaining singers are holding everything in to not punch him in the face.
The winner is announced. The End. See you for the same circus act next week!
Talk to you later! Karin