Someone in this family has been running up a tab at his neighborhood school. I'm not going to name names. However.......
He's five years old, goes by the alias CEO of Chaos and loves Thomas the Trains.
While perusing facebook last night, I got a call around 5:00 pm by an automated voice from the school district that a "certain someone" has an outstanding bill from the cafeteria. Of course, my mind immediately goes back to the first week of school when that "someone" would come home with a full lunch box of uneaten food. Apparently, he was just following the kindergarten herd to the feeding trough that is the cafeteria and helping himself to a hamburger. That ended when Cosme stopped by at lunch time to investigate and showed him where to sit to eat the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that his mother slaved over a hot stove making.
So in between checking status updates, telling children to stop bouncing balloons in my craft room and waiting for the pasta to cook on the stove, I distractedly listened to a rambling message that said things like..... your son...blah, blah, blah.....unpaid balance....blah, blah, blah.....school district office.....blah, blah.......negative eighty one dollar balance.......blah......Huh?! Wha!? You have got to be flippin' kidding me! Eighty-one dollars! Holy mackerel.......Omg.....do they have a cash bar serving Appletini's and chocolate milk?! I make him lunch everyday....how in the world can this be? Does he think as CEO of Chaos Industries he has an open expense account in the lunch room?
So, of course his father and I tried to get to the bottom of it with probing questions like...."exactly where do you go when you head to lunch?" ..... "Have you ever found yourself in the lunch line with a hamburger in your hand asking how you get there?....."Why isn't mommy's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches enough for you????!!!"
It was at that point he asked for his attorney.
So, the next morning I go into the office to settle my bar tab with the cafeteria and to ask why they didn't think to call me earlier......like in October. As I'm speaking to the office secretary, as well as the head lunch lady, we determine there is only one way to solve this mystery of the wayward lunch tab...... A cafeteria lineup. I told her that in order to be fair we need to get at least four other kids the same height and hair color and have them all holding trays while looking hungry. And, I want my lawyer present. She said just bring him down to the kitchen. Despite not having my due process, I went and pulled him out of class (in the middle of the chicken dance no less) and marched him down to judgement day.
As we approached the kitchen she took one look at him and said "That's not him." Yay!! I could cancel my call to the Innocence Project and Channel 8 news. We were free to go.....well at least I was free to go catch up with my friends for coffee, "someone"on the other hand had to head back up to his kinder class and the chicken dance.
There is justice after all.......
Talk to you soon! Karin