But before I get into all of that, I need your help with a few things technical. I thought I would put it out there to the collective brain power, otherwise known as my awesomely smart and talent readers, to come up with some solutions to my never ending list of problems and annoyances. Ok, here goes......
1. How in the world to you sew through paper? With the exception of one needle, I have broken all my needles trying to do the cute little stitching that appears on thousands of craft project daily. Someone knows the secret and they refuse to share it with me......
2. To all you typepad people, how do I get those cute little pictures on the side bar. Spent many an hour trying to figure out that mystery......
3. Does anyone know how to use a downloaded zip file. I have some cute things I downloaded to use with my Photoshop program, that I still can't figure out how to work, and I have no idea how to access zip file.....
OK, discuss amongst yourselves and come back to me with answers that are a) easy to understand and, b) won't confuse me more than I already am. Thanks!
So here's the deal. Lately I've discovered, I am an annoyance to the community and a threat to my family's welfare with my wandering chemo infused brain. Seriously, I am. Don't believe me? Well let me just give you a few examples that will make you so happy that I'm not living in your neck of the woods:
- At my bank, I stood in front of the teller announcing to him "I would like to deposit this cash" and then proceed to look at the "invest in your future with a 2.3 apr IRA" poster, thereby lulling myself into a partial coma while he hesitantly asked "do you have a account number?" Which of course, snaps me back into reality asking myself "where am I?"
- I can't remember the names of my children. I am constantly calling Carlos,
Cosme. And I refer to Andres as "please get over here" and "stop
I start sentences that I am unable to coherently finish. (although that was true pre-chemo so I may have to get back to you on that one...)
When going for my blood tests the other day, my mom and I discussed for a good five minutes at the front desk, how I could have possibly lost my insurance card and debit card at the same exact time. The conversation started with many unanswered questions and complete bewilderment as to how I lost both of them when I haven't been out of the house for six days....and then ended with, "Oh look! they're right here behind my Arco gift card!" And, as an added bonus, they were right next to the keys that I couldn't find in the morning, resulting in a futile fifteen minute search. The receptionist was not as excited as I was with my recent findings.
I think of super witty and fun blog posts I want to write and then two minutes later forget that I even have a blog.
- I traumatized my son for life tonight by letting him watch "Stand by Me." I haven't seen it in at least 15 years. I went on ad nauseum on how "he's gonna love it"....."how much I loved it"....it's such a great movie"...."I'm positive the kids are your age. Yeah....I'm pretty sure they are." ."great boy bonding."...."blah, blahblahblah, BLAH." Unfortunately, what I didn't remember was a) the kids are no where near his age they were twelve b) the movie is rated R. "Mom of the Year" looked after the movie was over. And c) Holy Mother of swear words!!! It was like a biker bar at closing time....yet somehow even worse. Of course I let him watch with Papa, who then walked over to me half way through it, and asked "have you seen this movie?" To which I replied "of course I I have! Do you think I'm an idiot?"
I'm an idiot. Carlos told me that he wanted to return the movie and never ever see it again. He said, and I quote, "those words really disturbed me." I'm mortified. Not wanting to lose my Mother of the Year status, I of course, blame it completely on his father who let him watch half the movie before telling me. And, of course, Cosme refuses to take any blame and told Carlos to "make sure everyone knows mommy bought you that movie!"
I'm an idiot.
So realizing, that I am a menace to society and the downfall of my children, I've decided that my current job is to not go wandering aimlessly throughout the city anymore and just stay put in my house creating gift tags and collages. Also, the boys are not allowed to watch anymore movies until they are 18 years old. There. Problems solved. Well at least until I make it through the day with out a phone call from the school asking me to pick up Carlos for saying "dick head."
I'm an idiot......