Creative Chaos

Awwwwwwww.......that Andres is so adorable.....

Look how he decorated a roll of paper and called it his pirate horn....... 

I tell you....imaginative and cute don't even begin to describe him.  And, look......he's always thinking of his favorite mom........Although, I do wonder where he got that roll of paper?  I don't recall having anything like that lying around.  I mean other than my.........oh....no......wait just a minute......

 

ANDRES!!!!!!........

 

 sigh.......

I'm still recovering from Glitterfest.  Although I did download my pictures.  I'll be back soon.....

I'm famous......

I knew sooner or later all my running around in circles and endless complaining on my blog would pay off.   Well today was my day.  I walked into a well known chain of stores and saw my name plastered all over the place.  Well, not quite all over the place, but on a prominent package on display.  Here....take a look for yourself........

 

Ok. Yes, I know, my first name is spelled incorrectly. And, I've never heard of Boardwalk Industries.  Also, I'm not the Director of Research and Development.....I'm just the Director of Chaos.   But, nonetheless, this is a huge marketing deal. It could possibly go international. I just need to figure out how to make it work to my advantage......I'm thinking of maybe going in and whiting out the bottom part and inserting my blog name.  Or, I may just go in and put glitter on all the packages.  I'm just trying to work out the details.   In light of this new development, I will be signing autographs from Noon to 2:00 at Glitterfest.

Oh boy.....It's raining money....

It must be my lucky day.  Look what just popped up in my inbox.  It took a "high powered' investigation to track me down.  I was so excited I wrote back to them immediately......

Access Bank (Ghana) Limited
9, La Tebu Crescent
Off Giffard Road
P.O. Box CT 1967
East Cantonments
Accra, Ghana.

Our Ref: AIB/560a/gh/09

Re: Approval and Payment Authorization for US$12 Million on 'Payment Approval No:. AIB/0371/216/09gh'

As a result of the high-powered investigation ordered by the African Union Chairman (President Bingu Wa Mutharika) on the activities of the West African Bank and other Government Institutions as it concerns foreign contract payments.

Be advised that you are contacted based on one of the cases that has long been overdue for payment. In one of the files that was investigated, all available evidence shows that the beneficiary have not received any part of the payment which is held up at the Access Bank Ghana Plc by the corrupt officials. This office has completed investigations and established reasons for non-transfer of the approved payment. Some officers have made it practically impossible for beneficiary’s to get paid by distorting original information's in the records and request such beneficiary to provide frivolous documents.

However we are able to trace the fund at the Access Bank of Ghana Plc where the corrupt officials diverted the fund as an unclaimed payment and your contract file was marked not accredited payment as beneficiary have been confirmed dead. And this simply means that the owner of this payment is dead as the letter from the beneficiary's attorney and death certificate contained in the file states that the beneficiary died of heart failure.

Based on our investigations preliminary report to the office of the presidency, exposing the fact that the death certificate that was found in your file is forgery and an attempts which diverted your funds to an unknown ghost account, the president have ordered the immediate remittance of your payment to your bank account from the Access Bank Ghana Plc were the fund was discovered.

With effect of this notice, you are further advice to re-confirm the below personal information to this office for the payment verification & swift remittance by Access Bank Ghana Plc. `

Beneficiary name:
Contact Address:
Direct telephone / mobile number:
Total amount:

Yours faithfully

Dr. Richard Kamson
Head of Operations
Access Bank (Ghana) Limited

************************************************************************************ 

TO: Mr. Dr. Richard Kamson, Head of Operations (and, I'm sure all sorts of other tomfoolery) at Access Bank

FROM:  Person who has been waiting all her life for a suitcase full of money to land on her doorstep

RE:  My imminent wealth and future Hawaiian vacation

Thank you so much for all your high powered investigations looking into the corruption of the West African Bank.   Although it sounds a lot like what's going on over here with our American banks, if you can believe it, not one single official, much less a president,  has notified me of any wayward money.  Oh, I am very sorry to hear the beneficiary is dead.  But hey, life goes on and someone needs to spend the money.  And it looks like I'm your gal!    It's funny, because I was just thinking "whatever happened to that bank account I opened in Ghana back in the 80's?"   Those were crazy times when the money just flowed.  

So, exactly how swift will this remittance be?  Because I'm going to Glitterfest next Saturday and I really would like some extra cash to spend.   And, let me tell you, 12 million dollars will buy a lot of bling.  

Thank you and I will be waiting to hear back from you.   

  

Just one more reason.........

to love The Onion.    This is hysterical........  

 

Report: Mom Just Locked Her Door

August 23, 2010 | ISSUE 46•34

The door, which sources confirmed should not even be approached.

ROANOKE, VA—According to reports from stunned Melberg family sources, Mom just walked up the stairs, slammed the door to her bedroom, and locked it.

The shocking incident occurred shortly before dinner time in the Melberg home at 46 Fairmoor St. Although Mom had reportedly been silently chopping vegetables in the kitchen, showing no signs of outward agitation or anger, multiple sources confirmed seeing her walk briskly through the living room and up the stairs before locking herself in her bedroom at approximately 6:38 p.m.

Mom

At press time, witnesses were sitting on the living room couch in stunned silence.

"Is Mom mad?" Tyler, 8, asked following the unprecedented incident. "You guys, I think Mom's mad."

"It wasn't me," Katie, 11, told reporters. "I was just sitting here. I didn't do anything."

Mom, 46, has not emerged from behind the locked door, nor has she given any indication as to when or if she will return to the kitchen to resume making dinner, sources said.

Speculation persists as to what could have provoked Mom's tense exit, with some citing the failure of Tyler to pick up his toys from the staircase, and others placing the blame on Katie and Joseph's repeated failure to set the table as requested, or on Dad failing to put his book down and help out for once.

Katie, who reiterated that she wasn't ignoring Mom and was going to do her homework in a little while after she was done talking to her friend Amanda, claimed multiple other factors played a role in the episode.

"Joseph was the one who wouldn't get off the computer to come down for dinner," she said. "And then Tyler was making gun sounds and being annoying like always."

"Quiet, you guys," Tyler interjected. "She's going to get madder."

Inquiries are currently being made into whether or not it would be okay to turn the television on, though many at the scene believed that the sound of the family guiltlessly enjoying a TV show could actually exacerbate an already tense situation.

The Melbergs were also reportedly unsure of what to do about the three pots on the stove and the partially chopped carrots, until Dad eventually decided to leave them there for the time being, while turning off all the burners.

"I wish she'd just come out and yell at us," Joseph Melberg, 10, told reporters.

The family's collective hopes were briefly raised when Mom was heard opening her bedroom door at approximately 6:45 p.m. to use the bathroom, where she ran the water for half a minute before turning off the light, pacing down the hall, slamming her door, and locking it again.

Speculation continued to mount that the evening's developments might somehow affect the status of dessert, or possibly even this weekend's planned trip to the beach. However, Tyler, Joseph, and Katie Melberg were reassured by Dad that the situation would soon blow over.

"She'll be fine," Dad said while picking up a dustpan, sweeping up several crumbs, and then awkwardly standing in the kitchen. "She just needs some time alone."

At press time, Dad thought maybe they should all go out for some ice cream or something.

Finally feels like summer......

 

And you know what that means.........Time for a good water balloon fight!  

Step 1:    Send husband out for balloons.  Make sure to get the ones with the special nozzle adapter for fast and efficient filling.......

Step 2:   Make sure each child has their own color-coded bucket of balloons.  It's essential that each child has the same, exact, precise number of balloons in each basket. Otherwise, be prepared for the phrase "it's no fair" to be repeated ad nauseum....... 

Step 3:   Run from the "no fly zone" backyard into the "war of the colorful balloon worlds" alley.......

Step 4:  Explain to visiting dinosaurs that it could get dangerous and he may want to head for cover........

Step 5:  Get ready for the ambush......

Step 6:  Call a cease fire in order to explain to 5-year-old that the term "water balloon" is used in the most literal sense......... 

 
Step 7:  Continue to have conversation with a child who loves the "idea" of a water fight, yet isn't sold on the water part.......

Step 8:  Cease fire lifted..........

 

Step 9:  After much trepidation, discussion and weighing the pros and cons,

 

child decides to jump into the fray.......

Yay for Summer!!!!

 

  

Because I'm still without my camera.....

I thought I would share with you something funny from The Onion.  I love The Onion.  I thought this was particulary hysterical........

News

Kid Ready To Start Playdating Again

July 22, 2010 | ISSUE 46•29

TAMPA, FL—Despite having been hurt more times than he can count, local kindergartner Kyle Gallagher told reporters this week that he's finally ready to get out there and start playdating again.

Gallagher, whose last serious relationship ended three months ago, said his decision to meet new children and return to the playdating scene wasn't easy.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous—after all, it's been a while since I've played spacemen with someone else," Gallagher said between small sips from a grape-juice box. "But I just can't worry about that kind of thing anymore. It's time to get back on that horse and see what's out there for me."

"I mean, I'm almost five and a half," he added. "I'm not getting any younger."

According to sources close to Gallagher, the small child has focused on keeping himself busy in recent weeks by drawing pictures of ninjas and searching for hidden treasures in hopes of distracting himself from the pain of his recent breakup.

Despite his efforts to forget about Jeremy and the time the two spent together jumping up and down on his bed, Gallagher admitted Monday that he missed having someone to share the things in his life with, be they his electric train set, or the "giant, pointy sticks" he would oftentimes find in his backyard.

"The playdating scene can be shallow, and you meet a lot of kids who won't think twice before lying to your face, but there's got to be that special someone out there somewhere," Gallagher said. "Look, I'm not going to say that it's not hard, because it is. But what am I supposed to do? Sit in the corner and cry all day?"

Added Gallagher, "Trust me, I've done that already."

Saying that all that he wants is someone to practice handstands with, or someone who has the same favorite color in common, the 5-year-old told reporters that he was just going to take things one step at a time.

"I'm not looking to get into anything serious right away," Gallagher said. "I'm not necessarily ready to open up about my dreams of becoming a fireman or someday owning a trampoline, but it'll be nice not to be alone anymore."

"Just as long as they treat me with respect, I'll be happy," he added. "I'm tired of playing games."

Gallagher said that his mother, Samantha, has been an additional source of frustration, due to her active role in his personal life.

"I keep telling her I'm fine on my own, that I'll start playdating again when the time is right," Gallagher said. "But she's always nagging me about this person or the other that she wants me to meet. I know she means well, but, give me a break. She treats me like a baby."

Despite the many challenges that lie ahead, Gallagher told reporters that he remained optimistic about finding a new best friend.

"Next year I'll be in first grade, and I'm starting swim classes, so I'll have some options," he said. "I just don't want to come off as desperate. I want to have fun, learn how to write, and maybe even get a puppy dog named Oscar. If I have time to dive into a new relationship, then great."

"After all, playdating is like riding a bike," Gallagher added. "Whatever that's like."

The elusive search for extra time.......

stops right here.    I thought I had it figured out back in 2007 with this little FYI on time savers when shaving your legs.    I truly believe the the reason for all the art I have produced over the last three years is a direct result of not lathering up my legs when I shave.   

Now, I can add an additional 1 minute and 15 seconds to my day by not talking (impossible) and walking out of the gym stinky with sweaty hair.......

The only problem is I don't belong to a gym and have no desire to go to one.   So I started thinking up my own time savers.  Maybe a few of them may work for you.

1.  Instead of cooking dinner, set up all you can eat cereal buffet on counter.  Time Shaved: 60:00

2.  Put kids on city bus instead of driving them to school:  Time Shaved: 20:00

3.  Stop doing laundry.  Time Shaved:  equivalent to a lifetime

4.  No longer wear pajamas and sleep in clothes. Time Shaved: 02:00

See...I just save you an hour and 22 minute plus a lifetime by cutting out a few unnecessaries from your schedule.  You can thank me later.....

 

I lie to my children.......

I admit it.  I do.  For instance, here a few things you may hear coming out of my mouth.....

 

"I'll be there in a minute."

"Oh no!  I have no idea how that Wow Wow Wubsy marathon got erased from the dvr."

"I swear, all I need to do is run in and out of Paper Tales."

"I'll be there in one second."

The latest was when Andres decided he hated French Toast. Never mind the fact that he has never tasted it.  So our conversation went something like this....

Me:  You'll love it!

Him: No I no like it!

Me: But what's not to like?!?!  It's eggs, bread and syrup.  You could live on it.

Him: No.

Me: You want pancakes instead?

Him:  Yay!! Pancakes!  I lub pancakes.  

So I fancied up a plate of french toast.  Called it pancakes.  And plopped it right down in front of the hater of all things french toast. 

Me: How did you like your pancakes?

Him: I lubbed them. They was so good!

Me: Oh, by the way, those pancakes were french toast.

Him: I lub french toast!!

So there you go.  There are circumstance that just flat out require dishonesty.   I'm now trying to work on calling asparagus Oreo cookies and see how that turns out. 

Some people think they're soooo funny.......

This is what happened after I left Paper Tales Saturday, care of Michelle, Julie Randi and Patty..........

hee hee.......I think this will be my next class.......

I wonder if Bret got my get well card yet............

On call..........

 

I've been busy working at Paper Tales lately.  They have me in an on-call position.  It's very similar to say a doctor being called in for surgery or a pilot needed for a last minute flight to London.  As a matter of fact, it's practically the same thing.....except that I deal with last minute scrapbook and crafting emergencies instead of heart transplants.  Like I said, practically the same.

 
Anyway, while working there last night, I realized that I didn't have the key or the code to close the shop.  I called Michelle and left her a message about needing the key and trailing off with "oh yeah, how do you log back into the cash register....and, where's my damn parking spot......"   As I was waiting for her to call me back, I was thinking that if she never gets my message, I may have to stay longer than closing.....maybe, quite possibly, I would have to stay there all night long.   It was like one of those dreams you had as a kid where you're locked in a candy factory for the night and your only means of survival is chocolate bars and gummy bears.

So, just in case, I got my back up plan in order.  I would go get a hamburger, shake and fries next door at Daddio's for dinner; I would turn the comfy couch into a bed for sleeping;  I would stay up as long as I could working on craft projects using the new Teresa Collins' paper; and, if I had the time, possibly dabble in the Tattered Angel's new spritzer stuff.  I wondered out loud to myself as well as a few customers, if Von's would deliver a pint of Haagan Daaz to me for a midnight snack.   

While trying to decide beween chocolate chocolate chip or dulce leche the phone rang......She would be there in a minute to drop off the key. 

 

Darn.   I should have never called her.    

 
Ok, back to reality and cleaning my craft room......